Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
