can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
