so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
