I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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