she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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