There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
