Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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