Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
