My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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