Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm having to shit out rocks
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
