he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
