And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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