Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
