how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
