We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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