my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
