matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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