My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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