ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
