I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
