'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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