Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
