You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
