Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
