would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
