pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
