The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
