i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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