What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
