Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
