He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
