not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
