When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
