everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
