and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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