just survived the first fart of the relationship.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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