Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
