what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
