i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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