I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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