you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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