You just made me feel so damn special
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
