I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
not ubering you a puppy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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