I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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