can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize