In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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