New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
