I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Two words: blizzard sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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