was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
no you cant smoke seaweed
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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