$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
