hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
