I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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