You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
