I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
