hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
