i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He shit in the fireplace
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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