oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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