"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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