Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
