can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Randomize
