I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
