bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
