kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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