girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
