I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
