The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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