Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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