why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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