Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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