where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
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My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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