I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
