his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
