Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
