You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
