That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
