Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
