unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
