i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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