Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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