I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
