Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sober January is a disaster.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
