No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
