my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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